Boys, Boys, Boys

Today I was all fired up a couple times to write on the blog because of something that had happened to me, but as usual I got distracted and forgot what witty comments I had going back and forth in my head like the pinball in a random glass game.

But now that I'm between working out and studying (and avoiding the studying part) and listening to country music on Itunes radio, It is time. I'm pretty sure that everyone but Reid and Erica have gotten bored with the blog (although I think James reads it as well as a way of keeping up with me without actually having to talk to me, which is why I read Reid's blog. (That, and Reid is just plain funny.)

Anyway, we had a board meeting today at work, which we have every week, to talk about editorial projects and some corporate person probably from HR that none of us had heard of before came in and gave her seminar on blogs. And how everyone uses them, that the number of blogs has doubled, etc, etc. All of which made me a) not want to reveal that I had a blog because other than certain people at work (i.e., Amanda, Athena- well, she USED to be a coworker, KJ) I don't necessarily want everyone reading my blog. Since then they'll actually be able to SEE my insecurity rather than just assuming its there. Not good. So I didn't offer up the information.

Since my blogging though, my journaling has come to a halt. I think that is for two reasons: a) I get most of the frustration out here and if it's major and private, I have the journal and b) it's really annoying (not to mention stupid and time consuming) to write the same thing twice. And since I talk to most of my friends like I would talk to myself, I might as well blog. (And save myself the repetition). Plus, I like the idea of complete strangers knowing a piece of me and still not being able to recognize me on the street.

So what's new in the life of Meg, you say? Well, if you've bothered to get this far in the post, I should reward you. I met a guy at my friend Dave's party about two weeks ago. His name is Mike, he's a contracts lawyer with a firm that freelances for pharmaceutical companies (he worked on Vioxx & Celebrex) and he's from Coney Island. He's really nice, but he's 5'4 - which is really short, since I'm 5'8 or 5'9) and I don't think I want to date him. But I'm going to see how I feel after a couple more dates. I don't think it's him, though.... I had a breakthrough on Sunday and just realized I don't want (or need) to date. I like having guy FRIENDS around, but there's a reason I shrink away from physical touch but still want it so much.

I'm over TODD, but I'm not OVER him.

What I mean by that is that I'm finally okay with Todd. As the song says, as long as he "stays gone" I'll be fine. But I'm not over the LOSS yet, the pain, the hurt that he caused me by breaking my heart. Essentially, I'm just not ready for another guy. With Aaron, it wasn't as recognizable because I just didn't like him. With Mike, I wish I was in a better place, and that he was maybe 5 inches taller.

Last weekend I went to Coney and had fun with him. The only bad time was when I said something about Todd fucking me up emotionally and he went on a "I'm older and wiser" tangent for about 10 minutes about forgiveness that even he lost himself on. So... other than listening to THAT.. it was fine. His roommate is really cool, and cute, so I have to try not to be attracted to him and screw over Mike. I'm going to try to handle it better so that we can stay friends afterwards.

But I saw Dave - who is tall enough - at work today, and I think I gave him the shaft when I thought he laughed too loud, and was a little bit of a dork for me. Yes, he is that way, but so am I. And now I'm kind of attracted to him too. We've drunkenly kissed and I slept in his bed (if you can call it that) in SpaHa (Spanish Harlem.. where he lives) when I partied there, but when I think of him all I can think of is this great embrace we had when we were about to get out of bed and go to brunch with (note irony here) Mike.

This is all very tricky; I work with Dave (although a different division, I rarely see him). To make things more complicated, Mike, Dave and Dwight (Mike's roommate) are all friends; so the Guy Code of Ethics cannot be broken. Of course, I invited Dave with (I felt bad making plans with friends he introduced me to and not inviting him) on Friday when we are all supposed to go out to dinner & a comedy club. Jackie's coming with, and I'm trying to get my friend Autumne for Dwight, but I think what I'll probably end up doing is having some kind of conversation with Dwight about it all; he seems the safest to talk to.

What I really should do is tell them all I can't date anyone right now. But we all know me better than that, don't we? Feel free to advise.

Ahhhh Air America

Tonight, while I was painfully drawing myself through my workout (I don't think I properly stretched or something) I was listening to Air America.... the liberal talk radio station which I really like because it makes me realize that although I'm a complete and utter democrat, I may stride more to the middle than I thought before.

That and I've lost that blogging feeling and wish I had something more witty to say than that I should go do the dishes because my sickly roommate can't get out of bed.

Sooo Sorry Y'All

I only realized it now, but Y'all has been slipping into my lexicon. Maybe it's because I have the same haircut as my boss' boss, who is Southern.

Now that I have the Miranda hair (and about as close to Cynthia Nixon's body as I'm going to get), I also have Miranda hours. I spent nearly 11 hours at work on Monday, and I'm not done yet. Working for two bosses is hard... (did I mention that I got a non-promotion promotion, and that I'm working for two editors?)

Anyway, my life has gotten exceedingly busy. My friend came to visit this week for business, so I had to get drunk with him on Monday, and yesterday I went to a presentation by the editor-in-chief of the publishers' trade mag, and tomorrow I'm going to an author event... with Michelle & Jackie and aforementioned boy.. and Saturday I have a date!!!

Is it no wonder that I HAD to go to Victoria's Secret today and buy underwear and bras because I don't have time to do my laundry? Ridiculous........................

oh by the way

This is me! The top pic is at a Salt Museum somewhere in Upstate NY... (how cool is a SALT MUSEUM?!?!? on me & Jackie's fourth of July adventure...

And then another of me (On the left - I wore those clothes for nearly 2 straight days) and my roomie, Jackie, at Niagara Falls..... memories courtesy of what I seem to remember as foreign (japanese?) tourists..

"I Don't Get People Who Don't Love This" Says Michelle

Today, Michelle, Autumne and I went to brunch at Essex, this fabulously trendy but we go there to snark on the hipsters place on the Lower East Side that offers a delicious $15 brunch with three intoxicating drinks included. THEN we went across town - ("You KNOW this neighborhood?" says Autumne and I pretend I do - the only reason I know it is that I've gotten lost there so many times) - on Bowery and Prince St and discovered vintage coats - I nearly bought one - on a rack about a block away from the Young Designer's Market on Mulberry... and then we went to my personal mecca, EXPRESS.

And I left with $400 worth of new clothes - of course not as many as I should have gotten for $400, but I did buy two new pairs of pants - including a very 80s womens tuxedo pair... but take out the satin lining on the inseam and the outside of the legs and replace it with lace.... I feel great!! Especially since those were a size 8, rather than a 10 (see the June archives for more info on that accomplishment). And I hope it will be the beginning of a beautiful thousand dollar wardrobe makeover. My treat!

But enough about me. New comment: we're walking across Houston towards the giant Crate & Barrel... on BWay and Michelle says "I still think there's something wrong with people who don't like New York. I just don't get people who don't love this.." and I thought, Amen sister! And then I realized that these girls are fantastic because they get it! Jackie is USED to it, but me and Michelle and all these kids from other places know what it is to dream about being here... and take advantage of it.

So we took advantage - we walked through Washington Square Park with our bags from shoppin... and showed Autumne how cool street performers are. That girl's getting a tour with me the next couple weeks!

I swear I'm learning more about myself every day... discovered another one of the roots about why I go to Central Park every week... especially since the guys on the transverse have gotten uglier if anything. Spandex is not for everyone, people!

More blogging to come, of course - one week til James is here and another boy's in love with me.... has always been, in fact, and came back into my life to give me hickeys last week that no one at work spoke about (thank god). Too bad I'm still in love with Todd..................................... something else Michelle has a very perceptive understanding of.

New Discoveries and Old Friends

This weekend I discovered I look exactly like my great grandmother. Mind you, I've always remarked that my mom and I look distinctly alike in childhood pictures (not so much anymore, unfortunately!! She's 5'2....) but this was downright scary.

Apparently when my grandmother's obit was published in her hometown (well, where she grew up, anyway) in the Fox Valley area of Wisconsin (Neenah, Green Bay, Appleton, Kaukauna) distant relatives mailed my aunt a bunch of geneology - resolving a family mystery of sorts.

A little backstory: my grandma, Dorothy Tebo Lindstrom, was an orphan. The story goes that her parents - Blanche Tebo and Mitchell something or other had an illegitimate, partly Native American child - and Blanche was really young. She died at age 24, and so my grandma was hustled around to various people - her Grandma (who was really not her grandma) and the infamous Aunt Maude who was really strict and generally a bitch. Not that my grandma would ever say that, but.... now that I've seen a picture of this woman, I agree that she's pretty scary.

Grandma's history was so sketchy that we didn't even know her real birthday until after she died. Her birth certificate said September 11, but she always claimed it was August 11 (she was right - ha!!). Well, when these relatives mailed my aunt Wendy all this documentation and geneology (including pictures) we discovered that a) we were French and that b) Tebo was really Thibault.

And I'm looking at this woman, the same day I got my hair cut, where my stylist noted that my hair kinda goes one way and waves in that same way. And I'm looking at my great grandmother, Blanche, and I realize her hair (in the 20s flapper style) is cut in a VERY similar way and that her hair's doing the exact same thing that mine does when I try to straighten it without the help of professionals. And that I have her nose, which has always not been a Lindstrom nor a Stevenson nose.

As she always does, my mom gave me some of my grandma's possessions - since we were so close. She gave me this mirror I used to always play with and hold and look at (I didn't tell her that I picked it up EVERY time I went in my grandparents bedroom, regardless of whether I was 4 or 14). And I picked it up this evening, at 12:30 am, when I totally should have been sleeping - and thought, wow. I have more of a history than I thought.

When my aunt mails me all of the family history, I'll go to Ellis Island again. But this time, I'll be armed.

And I'll know why I feel a presence there, when it didn't make sense before.

All sorts of my history are becoming eerily relevant, but that's a blog for another day.

Is it strange that moments like this make me miss Todd?

Quotes from the Weekend

Since I don't have time before work to fully blog, herewith quotes from my weekend in Wisconsin:

Dad: What are you doing home anyway? It's not Christmas.
Ryan: I guess your mom doesn't hate me anymore
Me: He's still smoking with a collapsed lung and a chest tube?
Mom: I keep thinking it's a dream, and then I look at these nails.