Niagara Falls, or couch? Niagara Falls, or couch?

Every day at work (usually when I first get in or at lunch) I look at my favorite blogs. They are: Reid's (kiddo78.blogspot.com), Jen's (www.jennsylvania.com), and Jess's (http://www.wiw.org/~jess/). I have other, auxiliary blogs, but these are my main 3 sources of entertainment at work, since I can no longer stream music and my CD player doesn't work.

And reading books at work seems, well, weird.

Anyway! Moving to my point. Every day I bitch in my head that Reid hasn't updated his blog, or Jennsylvania is a week old, or that Jess is on vacation. And I don't particularly like that, because I'm forced to read the bland news on CNN.com.

But here I am, the big hypocrite, wasting away on my blog for 3 whole days! And since I will be internet-less from Friday at 1pm until Tuesday at 9, I figured I should put in the good word.

On my I-should-have-been-going-jet-skiing-with-Toddy-Todd-but-now-I-sorta-hate-him 4th of July extravaganza weekend, I am instead going with Jackie and Yafreisi (YaH-FRAY-CEE) to Niagara Falls, Toronto, and Buffalo roadtripping....

Given that I lived about 3 hours from Canada for roughly 20 years of my life, you think I would have been there by now. But I haven't, and I'm psyched to be going. And I'm psyched that I won't spend the weekend on the couch like I did last weekend. (Although it is appealing..... but I'd be lonely since no one I know is staying in the city other than Mimi.)

Plus, I get to piss off Josh by caling him from Toronto. How do you like them apples?

Oh, and my date for tonight? Cancelled. Family thing - the boy went to Miami this morning. And I have to say that I'm fairly relieved, because I have WAAAY to much too do (workout - i've been horrible about my diet this week, clean - my mother's doing - you never come back to a dirty house, pack - 3 to 4 days of wearing my hair up? Hell yeah- and then, get used to the idea that I'm going to be spending 3 days in a car with Jackie. I love her, I live with her, but that's a lot of driving.

And here's the pitch.....

A swing and a miss.

But at least I'm back in the game!!!

And now you're thinking - wait a second, Meg. Back that shit up. What's going on?

Last weekend, I decided to hit up the bars and see if my cute, size 10 behind still had it, and if my smile still had it, and well, you get the idea.

Friday night was a bust - we went out with Jackie's friends, and I half-heartedly pursued the Seth Cohen franchise again... but he ended up swapping spit with one of Lisa's visiting friends from Omaha. (I know, I know...)

Either way.. Mimi and her friend Jamie were out, so I talked to them since J was busy with her friends. They gave us a few looks when we went to Doc Hollidays and played Hank Williams. (Mind you, Mimi & Jamie are Rican... I don't think they've ever heard a bunch of white people party to "The Gambler" before.)

Anyway, I was certain Saturday was going to be a bust as well. I got my butt up and went to Central Park, and worked out in the 90 degree heat until I thought I was going to pass out - but it felt really good.... and then I went home and watched two movies (I also watched 3 hours of THE GOLDEN GIRLS on Sunday... such a great hangover show!)

Mimi & I went out in our neighborhood since we both thought we were going to ditch out on our plans with each other and hadn't come up with anything to do. We went to The Monkey Room on 181st which I thought had the perfect blend of people, considering our neighborhood - the crowd was about 1/3 hispanic, 1/3 white and 1/3 black/questionable (I say questionable because some people from DR are a little misleading in terms of their appearance.)

I was bored as hell when she went to the bathroom and got called over to sit by two guys that she knew - who were friends with her man (which to me is a little sketchy, because I haven't made up my mind about him yet). They both were Rican and looked fine.. but still. So I sat over there and one of them, David, started flirting with me pretty bad - but in a nice way, not a "can-I-holla-at-you-baby" way.

He was cute, despite the fact that he had bling on, so I started feeling it. And when he knew who Doug Mientkiewicz was and how he had gotten traded (from the Twins mid-season last year to the Red Sox for the series win and then to the Mets) he and I were both hooked. So he asked me out, and I agreed, and then he called me on Sunday twice - although I only answered once, because I really wasn't up to flirting the second time and wanted to be at the top of my game.

My mother and I'm sure others are going to voice some concern - and trust me, the little worrywart inside my head is jumping up and down being all like, what are you doing, what are you doing? But he seems OK - he's got a job at an accounting firm in the financial district, and I'm sure to google him. So he's not unemployed.. and he promises he won't wear bling when we go out together. I'm going to fish for information on Thursday regarding education, drug use, etc, etc. And make sure that we go somewhere good for dinner.

But it is interesting - I could end up rebounding on Todd with a Rican with tattoos and muscle and an interest in baseball. That last thing was pretty much the only thing the two of them have in common, if you don't count being attracted to me.

But to be completely honest, the best part about it all was when I hung up my phone after he called me, and said to myself, "I'm back in the game..." because what's great about it is that I'm not looking for another Todd. My mom said yesterday that you learn from every relationship and you do - I don't want to lose touch with my friends again. I want a relationship to SUPPLEMENT what I have, not take over my life. And for treating Todd like that, I'm sorry.

Oh - and another thing? I got a HUGE BOUQUET of flowers from my man, James, in England. Props to him (yes, I'm going to start talking like this the more I hang out with Mimi & David) for cheering me up all weekend with white sweetheart roses, lilies, carnations, and any other white flower you can think of sans daisies. They make my day every time I see them when I go into the living room.

Look to see a lot more blogs from me in the next few days -my boss is going on vacation, and that usually leaves me with some spare time.

I Need to Meet People

Both Jackie & Mimi think I'm in denial, I'm doing so well.

But they won't leave me alone this weekend. I don't think that's such a good idea either, but I also don't appreciate my friends looking down on me (literally - they were standing up and I was lying on the couch) like I belong in a padded room just because I'm not eating my weight in Ben & Jerrys.

So I looked in my phonebook. I called Amanda, my friend Christine from upstate, and Jackie & Mimi, of course. I still have yet to call Michelle, b/c the kind of healing I need is the drinking kind, and she doesn't like to get hammered.

But then today I was bored at work and decided to look at the blogrolling on Reid's blog... and discovered a lot of NYC people (and Mnpls transplants) have blogs.. which doesn't surprise me.. but what does is that Reid didn't go ahead and SAY.. aha! You like me (reid) and so do you, and you both live in the same city.... and soon Meg has more friends.

And in my desperation, I posted yet another ad on craigslist. I just want someone to hang out with and talk music with (something I haven't done in forever, since Todd didn't know half the songs I liked) and have coffee and drinks and not have to sleep with. Is that so hard?

I know it's hard to make friends, especially in big cities. And don't get me wrong, Jackie & Mimi & Amanda (when I see her) & Autumne & Christine & Jody are all excellent... but when no one's returning voicemails, it's helpful to have one more voicemail to leave.

Which reminds me, I should call Jody....

Ah... Barenaked Ladies

Proving that I'm not as hopelessly broken as the LAST time Todd tried to dump me:

Then: I listened to dopey Alison Krauss/Michelle Branch/Journey songs
Now: I listen to Barenaked Ladies.

From Maybe Katie:
Do you know everyone you ever swore you'd love for life
I don't know them anymore
I know their names
I'd recognize them on the street and I don't love them

And Shoebox:
Did somebody tell you
This is how it's supposed to be?
Or did you just find it
And you don't want any more from me?
Was it something I said, or was it something you read
That's making me think that I should never have come here I
can offer you lies, I can tell you good-bye.
I can tell you I'm sorry, But I can't tell you the truth, dear
And what if I could -- would it do any good?
You'll still never get to see the contents of my shoe box (shoe boxxx)
Shoe box of lies

And in an epiphany listening to the Ipod thinking about Todd, I realized that this song was no longer about me and my lovers but instead him, talking to me.... so true... this is my new anthem (other than that hateful song by Eamon...)

The bravest thing I've ever done
Was to run away and hide
But not this time, not this time
And the weakest thing I've ever done
Was to stay right by your side
Just like this time, and every time I couldn't tell you
I was happy when you were gone
So I lied and said that I missed you when we were apart
I couldn't tell you, so I had to lead you on
But I didn't mean to break your heart
And if I always seem distracted
Like my minds somewhere else
That's because it's true, yes it's true it's this stupid pride that makes me feel
Like I have to follow through
Even half-assedly, loving you
Why must I always speak in terms of cowardice?
When I guess I should have just come out and told you right from the start
Why must I always tell you all I want is this?
I guess 'cause I didn't want to break your heart

And someday, I'll forgive him for half-assedly loving me. Not today though.

Happy Fucking Birthday to Me

What I Got for My 24th Birthday:

• A candle shaped like a shoe from my mom, which I will probably never use or put in broad daylight (as with most of my mom's presents like that)
• Yankees vs. Twins tickets at Yankee Stadium (I'm going to get beat up, but who cares? It's the TWINS!)
• A diamond necklace (teeny tiny diamonds) that were a giveaway at a magazine party I didn't go to from my roommate (but I was really jealous when she got them, so her snagging them was really nice)
• 3-in-1 shower gel/shampoo/bubble bath collection from Philosophy/Sephora that smell like mimosas, margaritas, and daquiris (and they really do - don't use this stuff when you're hungover!)
• New workout clothes (puma pants, adidas shorts which match my shoes, and a Nike shirt)

Finding out my boyfriend a) was unhappy for most of our relationship, b) didn't like the fact that I smoked, and c) was FINANCIALLY and SOCIALLY a Republican!

So needless to say, Todd & I have broken up. For good. Not only can I not really trust what he says he feels (because obviously he's been lying most of the time we're together), I don't want to be with someone that's not crazy about me. I don't have time for that.

Plus, it's a REALLY bad sign that I dated the man for almost 7 months and didn't know he was a Republican. Wouldn't you think?

So my birthday was TRULY shitty. But I got good gifts, and my Thursday birthday dinner at 107 West was really great.... because then I still thought my boyfriend loved me, my dad was here, and we had great food with my roommate and our key-holders/neighbors Matt & Jess in tow who tried not to be shocked when my father acted out at the restaurant.

Todd & I officially broke up Tuesday night... I was really upset on Sunday, and a little bad on Monday, but I got my feelings out and managed to figure out some the things that I need to remember so that I don't slide back on my diet or sit around the house all day moping:

1. Like I said before, if he wasn't happy, nothing I can do will make him happy.

2. I don't want to waste any more time on someone like that - even if I do love him. (and I still do.)

3. If you don't know yourself, you can't share it. Todd doesn't really know anything about himself, and he's not really up to learning about it.

4. I need someone who is as emotionally available as I am (my most successful relationship, with Kevin, was where we both liked talking about our emotions.)

5. I can't see Todd or speak to him (email is okay) for at least a month to six weeks... and I also can't date or get physically involved with anyone until then (so I need more batteries).

6. This may be denial, but it's all his fault that we stayed together so long. Yes, I was the one campaigning for us to get back together all the time, but he was there. I can only manipulate so far.

7. My parents curse (whenever my parents meet my boyfriend, we break up) is still in effect.

8. This is corny, but I WILL SURVIVE. I have before and I will again.

9. Relationship karma SUCKS.

10. I'm hotter than when I met him, and when I see him again, I will be hotter yet.

Don't Normal People Bloat?

This morning I had a serious fear. It started last night when I felt the onset of my monthly mojo coming on with a series of pelvic and rib (i don't know why) pain and cramping.

The fear wasn't about the pain, since I have a grin-and-complain-about-it attitude, but it was about those lovely size 10, editor-style, black with true white pinstripe pants. I was fearing THE BLOAT would make them too tight.

But instead, they fit fine this morning. And by 1pm today... THEY WERE LOOSE.

Maybe I should have gone with an eight.

In other news.... Cingular Wireless is trying to break me and Toddy Todd up!

Seriously. I broke the antenna on my first phone from them, and it still worked in Bklyn so I didn't change it until I moved uptown. Then I exchanged the phone for a new one, and that one worked fine. Suddenly this week, THIS NEW PHONE is only getting 2 bars anywhere in the apartment.... so I have to yell at the Chinese restaurant lady to get my order in...

And I think Todd doesn't have time to talk to me - while HE's trying to call me(hopefully multiple times, as I inferred from his email), thinking that I'm the one blocking the calls.....

Oh... and while doing laundry at the laundromat? 4 bars. Spent the entire time talking to my mom.. spare the time when I had to hang up to move clothes from the washer to the dryer. I forgot how effective talking to someone like that is.

Apparently my dad is TOO excited about this whole NY trip. He packed on Monday, has been pacing around the house ever since (driving my mother CRAZY) and left my house in WI at about 7:30 AM NY time. His flight comes in at 6:30... and me being the lucky bitch that I am, get to leave work an hour and a half early to spend a blissful hour and a half on the A train going to JFK, listening to my Ipod and wondering if Dad will notice how skinny I am.

Size Ten, Beeatch

Yesterday, I was in dire need of flip flops and a replacement for my ballerina-esque toe-cleavage shoes that I so dearly love that make my feet smell.

But moving on... So I went to Payless on 5th Ave. The store was closing up for good, and although there were lots of ugly shoes on sale, they didn't have the shoes I wanted. And since I needed cleaning supplies, I wanted to go down to the Payless on 34th Street to get my shoes and go onto Kmart to buy cheaper cleaning stuff...

So I head down to 34th St, find some cute (although not the ones I wanted) shoes and buy them. At that point, I was ALL ABOUT the shopping (I haven't gone all-out Meg shopping in awhile...) so I decided screw it, I was going shopping for all those things I wanted (essentially summer work/casual clothes) and to get a new pair of pants so that they fit me.

I went into Old Navy.... and then grabbed a size 12 and a size 10 in two different kinds of pants.

In case you didn't know, I've been on a diet/workout regimen for almost six months, taking the steps of a book that just came out. (Email or leave a comment if you want it.) Everyone has noticed - at work, at school, in my bedroom (todd) that I've lost weight, and so have I - particularly in my pants.

In January, I had to take my size 14 jeans from Express to a drycleaners for repair to get them to sew on a belt loop that I broke b/c I was too fat to get them up without breaking it.

Yesterday, I tried on a pair of size 10 trousers from Old Navy... and I had room in them to spare! So I said to myself, "fuck Old Navy..... the mother ship is calling me................" and two blocks later and a run across the street in smelly shoes and I was in the mecca of the 34th Street EXPRESS.

Two hours later I had two pairs of new work pants, a bunch of tank tops (there was a sale) and $250 less credit on my EXPRESS card..... and I brought home my first pair of SIZE TEN JEANS since 1994.

And it feels SOOO good because I worked for it. Every walk in Central Park and every workout before watching THE INFERNO helped. And all my meals of salads and healthy things......
and being able to walk up several flights of stairs without even breaking a sweat
and getting a nice glow on my skin from being healthy
and not having the shakes from diet pills
and having muscle definition in my legs
and for losing cottage cheese in my thighs
and frankly, for saving myself from being one of those "people who weren't born fat but became fat."

I really want a high school reunion right now. And to hold Todd's hand and tell my high school boyfriend who called me fatty last summer that Todd's an engineeer... and is better than him in bed.

My Roommate Likes My Boyfriend

I had an odd faze of green last night. So I'm sitting in my living room, telling Jackie and her friend Yfasie (I don't know how to spell it REALLY, so I'll try phonetically) about how drunk Todd said we'd have to have two weddings if we ever got married (one for Wisconsin, one for PA).

So J made a joke about having a pole at my wedding... which I thought was funny, and decided to text Todd about it. AND HE TEXTS HER BACK. Mind you, he hasn't called me like he said he would - which wasn't a big deal, but she got like three or four more from him and wouldn't tell me what they were because "they had gotten into witty banter". Can you see the green on my face yet?

Now I'm all about privacy - you don't have to tell me what you're saying to your friends, but when it comes to sexual inneundo via texts to my boyfriend and you're not me or gay, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

Now mind you, like the other time I freaked out all jealous and green about Todd, NOTHING will happen between him and Jackie. I don't think he's attracted to her.. much like the time I freaked out over someone he was talking to in a bathroom line (but she wasn't cute. At all. And I think she had braces.)

But even if it did, I would kill him and then try to take her down.. (I'm not overly confident I could, but I would give it a valiant effort nonetheless) which wouldn't really help things anyway.

So I know I should stop worrying about it. But it's my first major relationship since, well, high school, and I apparently do love him so much it hurts.

And makes me crazy. I still blame it on our culture. If we're nothing without a man,then we will fight our friends to the death for the asshole we've got.

In other news...
* I got stuck in my room last night because of the humidity. My door doesn't really close, and I tried to close it a little to create a *cooling* wind tunnel in my room (there was a breeze in the 80-degree + air last night. Not a good idea. I ended up having to call Jackie and have her shoulder the door open from the outside. Now a big heavy book is on the floor preventing me from claustrophobia at 2:37 am.
* I borrowed a bra to Mimi, our friend from upstairs. Is that weird? Jackie and her friends seemed to think so. I'm going to wash it... It's not like its panties. Nothing leaks from breasts - or at least not mine!
* My dad will be here in about 50 hours. Scary.

Um, No Kiddo, It was THURSDAY...... and

Today is FRIDAY, I'm almost done with work, and I have a story to tell.

So.... Just when I was complaining that I never see celebrities...

Last night, I dragged myself out to a party in the Meatpacking District at a place called Are (pronounced "air" - how pretentious is that?). My roommate Jackie is interning at an up-and-coming women's magazine that's trying to gear towards trendy, fashionable NY career women.

I get there and there's a huge line and red carpet. That was EXACTLY what I had been dreading... so I called Jackie. The owner let me in all by my little self because I was talking to Jackie and made myself seem important - or like an intern, I'm not sure which.

In a Great Ego Moment, I got past EVERYONE, including who we later found out was a football player for the Jets (All I knew was Really Huge Black Man) and got led in past the paparazzi (yes... there was paparazzi) and went in. We were trolling for celebrities when alas, Jackie says "that's the guy from trading spaces!" and I turn around and look....

About four drinks and a sucky VIP room later (which we got into because Jackie hustled him) I went out to get a drink. I went to the bar but they weren't serving at our end (they started a fashion show on top of the bar a few minutes later which explained why not) and I was talking to this random guy about the bar etc when I bumped into...

DOUG WILSON from TRADING SPACES! (www.douglaswilsonltd.com)

I had seen him earlier, and appropriately gawked then, but this time I excused myself and shook his hand and introduced myself. We exchanged cards and talked about books.. and I said that he was my mom's favorite designer on the show (even though I didn't know for sure) and that she had got the idea for redecorating the kids rooms after we flew the coop from one of his ideas (also not wholly true... I think it was actually one of Jen's ideas..) and I happened to mention Wisconsin, and he and I had a hearty discussion about Illinois and Wisconsin and how much we both dislike Chicago... We talked for about 15 minutes...he was very nice.. in fact, much warmer than most celebrities have to be.
And now he's sending me a proposal next week for a book! How great is that? I'm probably being a little too optimistic, but this could be a good turning point for my career......

And I am SOO going to more parties like this.

I also forgot to mention that at BEA, I met Bill Maher and Nick Hornby (ABOUT A BOY and HIGH FIDELITY, anyone?) at their signings.

Nick Hornby was really cool - he's one of my favorite authors. I told him about a paper I wrote about one of his books, and he was intrigued about it, and I talked to him for a few minutes as well.

And if you ask me how they look: Bill Maher doesn't look as OLD as he does on TV.... Nick Hornby is bald or shaves his head, something I never knew, and Doug is hot! (although also very gray haired.... and still very very sexually ambigious. Gay, straight? Who knows?)

I have to get back to my fantastic life now. It's almost quitting time (1pm on Fridays between Memorial Day and Labor Day) and I have to nurse this hangover from free vodka (one of the sponsors of the party) before Todd comes over this afternoon. (He has been working TONS of overtime, so this is his first real half-day Friday and he wants to PARTTTEE... or at least what HE considers partying.)

I just want to lay on the couch........................................
But I'm going to get off my ass. Again.

To Go or Not To Go....................................

My dilemna:

Jackie has been talking about this party tonight for the magazine she's interning at for a couple of weeks. And now the party is here and at first I was happy because she said it was overbooked and maybe we couldn't get in.

Then she called and said that I'm on the list. But then I citysearched it and about half the posts said it was a snooty place. The other half said it was fun... but I don't know. A crowded place, probably a line out the door...

Jackie's friends are going but I don't think anyone I know is. And I don't know if I want to go........

There's two hours of free drinks, but I read that drinks are super expensive. And if there's one thing I can't afford this is it.

So... I guess I'll deliberate about it for another 5 hours -until its either go time or not to go time. Any suggestions?

The Queen of Email

I haven't received an email in four days. Other than junk mail, Netflix updates, and a forward from my mother. I officially dub myself the Queen of Email.

I think living uptown has made me vastly unsocial. Mind you, I haven't seen some of my friends because school is out (for me anyway) or they're in Rhode Island, but largely because I'm too lazy to go downtown, or stay downtown.

I haven't seen Amanda in probably 5 or 6 weeks... Autumne in about a month, etc, etc. I haven't even been to the Upper West Side in a while. What's wrong with me?

And the fact that I rush home to make it in time for Jeopardy means I'm officially old.

But I look great thanks to my annoyance with a certain author and a certain exercise book.

Email me to find out which one. And if you don't have my email? Well then you're not special.

My Roommate is an Enabler

Jackie, my esteemed and sometimes-hated roommate, is an enabler.

And I am an enabler of her. We've wanted to watch Schindler's List for about two weeks now, and finally decided to do it last night. Nothing was going to stand in our way, except..

I had to work out
Jackie nearly fell asleep while I was working out

And then the enabling began.

I switched to the WB mid-workout because I remembered that I saw an ad for a BAD reality TV show called "BEAUTY AND THE GEEK". And since I'm a beauty and I love geeks I thought it would be amusing. As soon as I saw Richard introduce himself, I started pounding on Jackie's door (her bedroom is right off of the living room) doubling in laughter.

When of the "beauties" had to pause when the weird former MTV host asked her how many states were in the US, Jackie & I were hooked.

Then we said, 9pm. 9pm is good. 9pm is not too late to start a three and half hour movie that has caused both of us to have nervous breakdowns at one point in our lives. good. good good.

But then Mimi came down and talked for a few minutes, giving me time to flip to ABC.........................

..........whose programming caused Jackie to become obsessed with seeing Evander Holyfield dance. I really, really wanted Joey McIntyre to do the New Kids Dance - the only dance I could do as a kid (Whoa, whoa, whoa - oh - oh, Whoa Whoa Whoa oh, the right stuff!) but sadly, he just looked like a John Travolta impersonator.

So an hour and a half later and we popped in the Spielberg cry fest. And then talked about Dick Cheney being evil until 2 am, which is the reason I am who I am today (tired).

Stop the Presses

It's BEA week!

For those of you who don't know, BEA is Book Expo America. It's the publisher's best fantasy and worst nightmare...

And this year it's in New York.

Us lowly assistants aren't given our own passes but are instead given leftover passes from authors who were supposed to come to BEA but ditched.

So apparently, the three of us girls are going to be: a bestselling MALE author, the husband of someone on a NBC TV show, or someone with a very androgynous nametag.

At least Michelle's going with me.