Boys, Boys, Boys

Today I was all fired up a couple times to write on the blog because of something that had happened to me, but as usual I got distracted and forgot what witty comments I had going back and forth in my head like the pinball in a random glass game.

But now that I'm between working out and studying (and avoiding the studying part) and listening to country music on Itunes radio, It is time. I'm pretty sure that everyone but Reid and Erica have gotten bored with the blog (although I think James reads it as well as a way of keeping up with me without actually having to talk to me, which is why I read Reid's blog. (That, and Reid is just plain funny.)

Anyway, we had a board meeting today at work, which we have every week, to talk about editorial projects and some corporate person probably from HR that none of us had heard of before came in and gave her seminar on blogs. And how everyone uses them, that the number of blogs has doubled, etc, etc. All of which made me a) not want to reveal that I had a blog because other than certain people at work (i.e., Amanda, Athena- well, she USED to be a coworker, KJ) I don't necessarily want everyone reading my blog. Since then they'll actually be able to SEE my insecurity rather than just assuming its there. Not good. So I didn't offer up the information.

Since my blogging though, my journaling has come to a halt. I think that is for two reasons: a) I get most of the frustration out here and if it's major and private, I have the journal and b) it's really annoying (not to mention stupid and time consuming) to write the same thing twice. And since I talk to most of my friends like I would talk to myself, I might as well blog. (And save myself the repetition). Plus, I like the idea of complete strangers knowing a piece of me and still not being able to recognize me on the street.

So what's new in the life of Meg, you say? Well, if you've bothered to get this far in the post, I should reward you. I met a guy at my friend Dave's party about two weeks ago. His name is Mike, he's a contracts lawyer with a firm that freelances for pharmaceutical companies (he worked on Vioxx & Celebrex) and he's from Coney Island. He's really nice, but he's 5'4 - which is really short, since I'm 5'8 or 5'9) and I don't think I want to date him. But I'm going to see how I feel after a couple more dates. I don't think it's him, though.... I had a breakthrough on Sunday and just realized I don't want (or need) to date. I like having guy FRIENDS around, but there's a reason I shrink away from physical touch but still want it so much.

I'm over TODD, but I'm not OVER him.

What I mean by that is that I'm finally okay with Todd. As the song says, as long as he "stays gone" I'll be fine. But I'm not over the LOSS yet, the pain, the hurt that he caused me by breaking my heart. Essentially, I'm just not ready for another guy. With Aaron, it wasn't as recognizable because I just didn't like him. With Mike, I wish I was in a better place, and that he was maybe 5 inches taller.

Last weekend I went to Coney and had fun with him. The only bad time was when I said something about Todd fucking me up emotionally and he went on a "I'm older and wiser" tangent for about 10 minutes about forgiveness that even he lost himself on. So... other than listening to THAT.. it was fine. His roommate is really cool, and cute, so I have to try not to be attracted to him and screw over Mike. I'm going to try to handle it better so that we can stay friends afterwards.

But I saw Dave - who is tall enough - at work today, and I think I gave him the shaft when I thought he laughed too loud, and was a little bit of a dork for me. Yes, he is that way, but so am I. And now I'm kind of attracted to him too. We've drunkenly kissed and I slept in his bed (if you can call it that) in SpaHa (Spanish Harlem.. where he lives) when I partied there, but when I think of him all I can think of is this great embrace we had when we were about to get out of bed and go to brunch with (note irony here) Mike.

This is all very tricky; I work with Dave (although a different division, I rarely see him). To make things more complicated, Mike, Dave and Dwight (Mike's roommate) are all friends; so the Guy Code of Ethics cannot be broken. Of course, I invited Dave with (I felt bad making plans with friends he introduced me to and not inviting him) on Friday when we are all supposed to go out to dinner & a comedy club. Jackie's coming with, and I'm trying to get my friend Autumne for Dwight, but I think what I'll probably end up doing is having some kind of conversation with Dwight about it all; he seems the safest to talk to.

What I really should do is tell them all I can't date anyone right now. But we all know me better than that, don't we? Feel free to advise.