I still love Lauryn Hill, even if she IS crazy now. Like loony bin, I-found-God crazy. But who can blame that girl? One word: Wyclef. Well I guess two words then..................
Anyway, I had a MOMENT today on the train. I was on my way back from work, actually early for once, and I was listening to the pod on a very crowded A and "Burn" by Usher came on after some Billy Joel and some old school junior high era songs played. All I could think about was that Todd probably felt like Usher when we broke up, and that I'm happy we are broken up. Cuz after all, if Todd hadn't broken up with me, I probably wouldn't have created the great friendships I have now and all of that... plus I wouldn't know Mike, who is quickly becoming a close friend (we had the "friends" discussion on Saturday on the corner of 8th Ave and 34th St and it went something like this:
Me: I'm just taking it very cautiously, very slowly you know? After everything that's happened (long drag on cigarettes that he hates - but after working on the Big Tobacco litigation, who can really blame him)
Him: I know, I am too. You know I'm attracted to you. That's obvious. But I want to be a friend. A lifelong friend.
Me: Well that's good. Me too. So if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't then I guess it doesn't.
Him: Great. Now I'm going to get drunk thinking about what you mean by "it".
Me: (Skeptical) Really? Well.. what I mean by "it" I guess is dating, a relationship, sex, what have you.
Him: That clears things up. Listen, let me know if you want to do lunch or a movie, or something this week okay? I know you're busy...
Me: Isn't it close to 8? (he had something to go to at 8.) I better let you go.
Him: Yeah. Bye hon
(Hug and very pecky kiss... still haven't really properly kissed that boy.)
So... I'm listening to BURN and thinking about all that, and how I even HAVE the song - my ex from high school gave me a CD last summer with it, which I took as a signal that the pathetic bastard maybe was still hurting over our breakup five years earlier. Now I'm more sympathetic. My eyes teared up and my chest tightened and I just thought, again, for the millionth time, wow. I'm here. And I want to appreciate that.
But then my mood changed again... with SCENES FROM AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT, which was my anthem with Dan the man from Summer 04. And I thought about how different I am now when I opened the door onto 184th Street, and as I walked to the grocery store I remembered to stand up tall and throw my shoulders back so my tiny gut wouldn't show in this small-sized sweater that I am wearing now that I'm a teeny tiny girl.
And on my way home with my bags from the store and my new Guess manuscript purse/bag, I listened to Lauryn as I walked across the street where she filmed her video for DOO WOP (THAT THING) - my block - and let myself in the door.
You know it's hot, don't forget what you've got
Looking back
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
You know it's hot, don't forget what you've got
Looking back
Thinking back, thinking back, thinking back
THIS is why I'll never, ever, give up my Ipod willingly. Unless someone tries to rob me for it, and then I'll just buy a new one and leave them with all the problems of mine.
1 comment:
RE:
"Him: I know, I am too. You know I'm attracted to you. That's obvious. But I want to be a friend. A lifelong friend"
Cracking line!
Post a Comment