Living the Life You Want

I think I've been writing too much self-help back cover copy.

I'm on a kick where I'm trying to go after the life I want, not the life I'm living. What does that mean? Well, it means that tomorrow I'm going to go to my bosses' boss and ask her for more work. It also means that I'm planning to budget my ass off so that I can get a new apartment when I'm ready to move out. Because I need to live alone.

I had a taste of it this weekend when my roommate was conspiciously absent during Courtney's visit. It was lovely and I want my Winona single, living alone life back. Lonely though it may be, I don't have to worry about people smoking pot in my apartment, or my roommate coming in drunk late at night. It's because of my roommate specifically AND not because of her at all. I think its a potent combination of the two, but I know what's best for me is to wait until the end of summer and then really start hunting on the move. Since moving involves both the dreaded NYC search, pissing off my roomie AND breaking a lease, I'm not too keen on doing it. But I do want a home of my own. And a cat. So, I'm going to try to save $$$ (something I'm horrible about) and plan for it. It's my next big goal.

Courtney came to visit this past weekend, and it was great having her here. I met her my last year in undergrad, and I love her to death. She was a freshman when I was a senior, and now she's freshly 21 and despite being a light drinker, bars have not lost their appeal. We did everything from the Mets, RENT and the Empire State Building to Little Italy, the Harlem Book Fair and the White Horse Tavern. She & Berger hit it off, and of course Kelly loved her as well. I was sooo exhausted that I was still tired today!

I talked to an old friend last night, and it put my life in perspective a bit. I miss my old friends, family and people who really know me so desperately that I think my present situation is suffering.

But at the same time, I know I have a better head on my shoulders than I did a year ago, or two years ago. Since I've thought alot recently about what I really, really want --and have decided on it (an associate editor position, a good boyfriend and an apartment and cat of my own WITH cable) I feel like I can finally move on, and go after it no holds barred.

Plus, I've spoken my mind lately. There have been weird consequences, but the more I concentrate on it the more I think it's just part of growing up. My friend last night said, "It sounds like you're doing the same thing. Chasing after boys with a better job." He was right, but he was also wrong. Boys (or men) are a relatively small point in my life since I haven't found one I like in a while and probably won't be ready for one until I meet someone cool, special and wonderful enough....for now, I'm happy to go out, have fun, and make lasting friendships like the ones I treasure back in the Mighty Midwest.

Be gone, toxic elements........