Newness

Last night, Pough and I nearly broke up. But, as I tend to do, I told him the whole story. Everything about the guy back home (GBH), and how that wasn't going to happen. How I felt about GBH and how I felt about him (Pough). Then, as I do, I came to a conclusion.

"Maybe we've been too comfortable," I said, "perhaps we should remember that this is new." He agreed and we drunkenly walked back along President St in Brooklyn to his room. Then we undressed each other, something we only did once before. And then, something happened. The magic that wasn't there----was.

I'll leave something to the imagination, but today, on the train back to Manhattan Island (him going home to see Mom and me going to the apartment) we were cute. I called him "baby", we talked about his Mom (She's getting over a stroke and really wants to walk with his sister through her graduation in May) and I realized something when I got home tonight: I missed him.

Kelly & I went to BB King's tonight to see our author and I realized that I knew which jokes he would have laughed at, when he would have held my hand, and I knew.

This is my boyfriend. I ran into Ex From Work last night at a happy hour, and it was cooly distant. I found out from the grapevine that he made out with someone else. I just laughed. Everything is in focus: I've moved on.

I'm finally ready for something new---someone new, someone fabulous. Someone I like going to brunch with (Swiss cheese omelette for him, denver with cheddar for me) and someone I like talking to. I find his OCD tendancies funny, and I woke up this morning wanting to hold him a bit closer.

It's funny.... I was so ready to break up with him last week, and I'm really glad I gave him the chance both of us deserved. Because I needed this more than I thought. So as I quasi-drunkenly write this at 2am on Sunday morning, there's something I never thought I'd admit: I'm happy again.

And though I still feel the same way for GBH, and wish we could be together, and still love Todd, I like Pough. I like the way he smells in the morning, I like that I know his idiosyncracys and what he likes to drink (G&Ts, once in a while a rum and coke) and that his roommate gives me the nod. I'm settled.

And I'm happy. And whatever comes, I'm ready. It's startling.

Perhaps I've found someone as crazy as me. And perhaps not. But I'm once again willing to make a mistake.

That's fucking brilliant.