There's been so much to blog about that I have no idea where to start. But since I have to leave for work in 10 minutes, I'll have to trim it down.
First off, I got a galley of a book called WHEN I WAS A LOSER: True Stories of (Barely) Surviving High School. Although I had to read it fast since my book club is reading it very soon, I haven't put it down since I started. It's terrific quasi-literary (which is my favorite label since true literary is pretentious as hell) essays from young-ish (30s) writers about theier high school experience and how it defined them. Highly reccomended.
I thought about writing my own essay here, but I can't in 10 (now 6) minutes. So look for that soon...
Also, I watched another episode of THE BIGGEST LOSER last night. That show always makes me cry. My own personal transformation wasn't nearly as drastic as ther participants or even that are inspired by the show's at-home component, but when they showed the high schoolers that the trainers inspired saying that this made them feel like a different person, I knew EXACTLY how they felt. It's not just being able to show off parts of your body that you used to hide, or being able to wear nearly everything. It's about confidence, and knowing that you can do anything when you put your mind to it.
I think that's why I feel connected to Pough. Even though I suspect I had to work harder to lose less weight, he used to be fat. Really fat. Triple chin in his drivers license photo fat. And, since he started dating me, he joined a gym. "I want to look as good naked as you do," he told me. I've never told him the truth: that I wouldn't have dated him if he was fat, but I think he suspects it with all my body issues. But I know why last season's finalists of BIGGEST LOSER married each other--no one understands than someone who's been there.
I've been a size six for over a year, but I didn't really feel comfortable in my own (new) skin until recently. I work out while I watch THE BIGGEST LOSER--because despite that I was never 200 lbs, I was one of them. And still am.
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2 comments:
Aw sweetie! You're beautiful both in spirit and person.
I've never told him the truth: that I wouldn't have dated him if he was fat...
Word.
And thank you for infusing this acknoweledgement with all the discomfort and guilt that it comes with. You don't *want* to be that judgemental person. But it happens.
Much as I care about my bf, a part of me cringes when he says it's been two years since he went to the gym, and that he's too lazy to do it.
I'm crazy about him, but I can't help but hope he'll see me going three times a week and be inspired to pick it up again.
And I feel guilty all over again for thinking it.
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