Affidavit of Destruction

In the book business, there is what is called an "affidavit of destruction". If we send out books with the wrong cover and the customer doesn't want to return them for whatever reason, they have to fill out this little piece of paper that legally binds them to their destruction of those books.
I should really back up; after my love stricken morning Tuesday, Todd & I once again opened the discussion of dating. As of this morning, that has been closed. And we both think it best that we close that door forever, and only communicate via email and phone until I can be around him and not get that feeling in my stomach where I think I'm going to die and at the same time feel like I should change my panties.
After my ubiquitious posts yesterday, I now have to hang my head and sign my own version of an affidavit of destruction that will hopefully bind me more than my blogs have in the past to one purpose: letting go of Todd and fully destroying the hope within my heart that this whole debacle will ever return to the simple boy-meets-girl-and-loves-her this relationship used to be so many months ago.
Jackie counseled me; as did Lori and Athena, and surprisingly the authors of HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (who now have a handy pocket guide which I intend to use as a reminder to keep myself "clean" of this addiction to the Toddy Todd).

And now, the steps of my affidavit of destruction:

• Delete him from the cell phone and throw away little post-its with his contact information, so that the only contact information should be in my old school paper address book.
• Allow myself to be upset when I want to be, but not to dwell or harbor feelings of abandonment, grandeur, or anything remotely resembling foresight.
• Try once a day to remind myself that he has a fat neck
• Don't dwell on the past and look to the future.
• Remember that if you put all the men I've ever said I love you to in one room, I probably would want to shut the door, throw away the key and run fast to the bar.
• People can fall out of love. And I will.

After all, it's only three weeks until I can be with Ryan, who loves, adores, and criticizes me to no end when I get home.... where I may or may not feel the need to defend my own stupidity in this matter. And tonight I will toast to my broken heart with Michelle and Jackie - and then go home and discover that Todd's not in my phone.