My Boyfriend is Broken!

My brilliant boyfriend Pough had back pain--not horrible, but uncomfortable. So he went to a chiropractor on the Upper West Side. He found out that one of his legs was shorter than the other because his hips were misaligned.

While we both found this hilarious, I was suspect. If your arms are different lengths, why shouldn't your legs be? But a month later (last Sunday night) he had incredible pain in his legs and back. So he calls out of work due to a lack of sleep and the pain, goes to the chiropractor, who fixes him again, and he's a happy camper.

My response: "Did he take Xrays? Give you an explanation?"
Pough: "He just said I did something to really throw it out of joint. I can't think of anything I did, though...."
Me:"You need to go to a real doctor, right now. Let me ask Sick Roomie where she went since you guys both have Oxford."
Pough: "okay, I'll schedule an appointment for Monday."
Me: "NO. You call as soon as I give you the info."
Pough: (reluctantly): "fine"

The very next day, the pain is back and its worse---and a real doctor (a GP and a orthopedic) give him Xrays and a diagnosis: a herniated disc in his back. So last night, I went to hang out with him as we usually do. He was bitchy about the pain while trying to be masculine.

And I was a bad girlfriend:

1. As soon as I got to his apartment I said, "What am I? Oh yeah, I'm right. Unequivocally right. Ha!" ( Although the truly kick ass moment was when both of his roomies looked up from watching UFC and nodded.)
2. We got Chinese food last night. Not only did I allow him to pay, but I made him go down the stairs to get it and get me a bowl to eat it with.
3. While he was tossing, turning and getting frustrated because he couldn't find a spot to stay in for two minutes to sleep, much less cuddle with me, I fell asleep during the conversation and then again in the morning to a similar conversation.
4. I lamented about not being able to go out on our planned weekend of awesomeness (a viewing of COMPANY Friday, a relaxing do-nothing Saturday, a Sunday afternoon spent drinking and bowling and Monday off).

But karma got me back. I had an unexpectedly bad day at work today and then a hopeful epiphany on the train ride home, all of which I wanted to relay to him before I heard about his day of pain. But Pough, alas, was too busy cavorting around Brooklyn with his roomies in a borrowed car to hear about my pains. When I told him I got a new boss, he said, "what? ha ha ha (to his roommates).... What?"

Pough's pain apparently disappears when he hangs with the boys in a car, but I bet it will be back in time to take care of him all weekend (which comes with the stipulation that he recovers in my apartment, not his.) Still, I get a sick feeling of joy (accompanied with a twinge of ironic revenge) that I can withhold sex with good reason. See? I'm a horrible girlfriend with no sense of compassion--or remorse.

Especially since I think its hilarious that Pough has the same medical condition as his grandmother.