Sunday, January 22, 2006

I've been down so long... I know the end must be drawing near.

I wish I could help you. I wish that you were not speaking the words that came out of my mouth 22 days ago. This makes my heart break all over again and all I want to do is fix you. But since I can't fix myself, I certainly can't fix you.

I live in fear of someone being able to see through me, and you do it. Just like I know my mom knew something was off when I talked to her. You know the truth too, and its too bad that I don't like you enough to see through you.

I don't know what it is, but something's missing. I have a great job, a great life really and often I'm happy with it. But I hate it too, and I'm not sure why.

So maybe I should listen to my own voice, that voice from your mouth repeating my words back to me every once in a while. Maybe I should take my false idols down off the walls in my bedroom and replace them with reality; Jackie, Michelle, KJ, you.

Too bad I need the past to define me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are a great person and you shouldn't let the past ruin your future. Yes you should remember where you come from but you have gone so much further than that. Your life makes us so jealous and a confused boy that is still realizing he's in love with you should not define you. The friends you have will be there forever no matter how they act, they still love you and are there for you. Keep your head up and enjoy yourself, you have so much more life to live.