Another Reason to Love Google

I’ve decided to add another facet to ranking guys by their “number” (a tool my roommate and I use that is a combination of personality and looks, as well as good behavioral traits like picking up the phone to call or sending witty text messages—or by our recent pattern of dating 35 year olds---knowing how to text message at all): Googleability.

The ComediMan pissed me off last night. Mishy and I stopped by the bar above the club to say hi and had to a) wait forever and a day for him to be there and b) then got shunned. I was really mad, but not as mad as I would have been had I not been successfully flirting with the bartender, who I will call Braff because he looks a lot like Zach Braff, but cuter. And he’s younger than 30 (27, which is the perfect age for me to date according to me) which is a definite plus.

I broke the cardinal rule and gave him control---otherwise known as my number. And unlike the drunk guy from Mishy’s publishing company, I don’t think he’s going to call me three or more times, send me countless text messages and two voicemails all in an effort to get me to come back to the bar we left and play beer pong.

But I am hoping (so much!) that Braff calls, so we can hang out in the park and maybe make out a bit. I might be stretching things a little since I just met the guy, but Braff makes me want to take things slow. Mind you, he might be a lot less nice, cute and/or witty now that he’s not behind a bar. But if he is… I’m in trouble.

So back to Googleability…. ComediMan is completely Google-able, to the point where I say to my friends: You wouldn’t recognize his name, but I know you know his face. And since I was late to work because I was watching the man I sleep with, who booty calls me at 4:30am, who called twice to see if I got home okay last night, sitting with two other comedians and Matt Lauer at 8:18am on Today.

The Today appearance pretty much guarantees that I’ll sleep with him again. At least once, maybe twice. And he knows it. Like Business Week guy, I love the fact that he looks oh-so-impressive on a Google search.

It is pretty much boy central right now in my life; I posted another ad on Craigslist when I hit a particularly evil low sleeping with Berger about two weeks ago--- and managed to get one or two decent guys out of it. I may hang out with the Princeton Grad today (I’ve been trying to get a drink with him but keep getting distracted) if I’m unable to snag an afternoon shag from the ComediMan or if Braff doesn’t call me. I also have Open Mic Night guy that I gave my number to who called me the next evening…… I’m not sure about that one, but I’ll give anybody three dates, particularly when I do the initiation. (Unless you’re Dennis Leary or Janeane Garofalo, you just can’t pull off saying, “Sorry I didn’t notice during that song that your teeth are kinda weird and you have a stoner glaze, can I have my number back?”

This afternoon, I’ll be able to answer the question I’ve been asking myself all morning: Will my good looks and witty note-writing charm be enough to make Braff roll over in bed this afternoon, pick up the phone and call that girl he met at work last night?

Man, I hope so. Because it would be delightful for ComediMan to call me and not get any play. Again. (Secretly, readers, I like ComediMan, but he’s totally holding me at arms length, and will allow me to see his body but none of his real personality. It sucks. But I like the sex, and figure that if the info on who he really is comes later, great. Otherwise I can keep getting laid---hopefully without getting hurt---until the personality comes along, preferably in a lovely package.)

And I have to keep him around so that Super Cool Comedian D (a friend of ComediMAN and also a host of a show on COMEDY CENTRAL! ) comes to my birthday party.