God Kicks My Ass

So today when I got off of work I was feeling stressed and stifled. Every morning for the past couple days, I haven't wanted to get out of bed.

It seemed like my whole life, with exception of my friends, was questionable: did I really want to work where I do? Should I move back home and give the one-who-got-away a real chance? Why does my roommate swing on the crazy pendulum EVERY freaking day?

But then I got home, watched the Mets WIN as I worked out and then switched over to the Channel 55 rerun of Oprah. She had a few teens on that had tried to kill themselves (in pretty gruesome ways) who managed to survive. I was reminded of my very own thwarted attempt of taking an entire bottle of Advil, back in the 7th grade. I could only think of how proud twelve-year-old Meghan would have been of this 25 year old lady crying on her couch in New York City (although the clincher would have been that the Ipod was invented, I (she?) am/was a size six and had good hair most of the time.)

So, what I realized that even if my roommate is crazy, it's a temporary situation--we've clearly lived together too long, and I'll probably love her more when I move out. My job is lovely, but I AM in the pits of knowing what I'm doing but not being able to execute it yet. No one is in the position I'm in of my friends, so I'm stuck commiserating with people who haven't had their idealism pulled out from underneath them.

As far as Mr. Right but Not Right Now goes, I have to count my blessings: he really, really cares about me and will never leave me again, no matter where I live. I can call him whenever I want to vent or drink on the phone, and I love falling asleep to his voice. He truly knows me--how many people can you say that about?

Plus, I've got cigarettes, a bottle of Baileys and only one more day of work before I can go to the park when everybody else is clacking away in the halls of my never-actually-named workplace. Not really all that bad, is it?

That being said, I really do believe in God on days like this. Not that I don't every single day, but He certainly knows how to kick your ass into perspective. I wonder if he has ASSISTANTS to do this kind of handiwork....because clearly others (ahem, roommate, people in the Sudan, GWBush...) need more guidance most days than I do.