As of late, I've been calling my friends from college and from home to see what's up with them. Depending on who they are, they either think my life in NYC is a)glamorous or b)stupid, and why am I not satisfied with Merrill, Wisconsin?
With the exception of a few people, I realized that they too have moved on with their lives. For some odd reason, nearly all of them have significant others (something I noted earlier) and most of my college friends have now graduated and are settling into their adult lives. I, of course, applaud them, but I also miss them terribly, about how we used to laugh together and travel together and just hang out. Sometimes I think I'm making them better than what they actually were, but there's something hollow in those phone calls. Somewhere a line has been severed.
And it makes me think that this REALLY IS my life. Going to work Monday-Friday, doing similar or the same things every day, eating lunch alone, and then going home to live with Jackie and take the 1 train up to see Todd. And talking to my friends when I'm bored and hearing that they're bored with me too.
It's weird how similar my life is to what it used to be (I often ate alone in Winona, and I certainly did for YEARS in Wisconsin) but it's just not feeling so liberating anymore. Now its starting to seem a little vapid and more than a little lonely, if not very hollow, as I've said before.
Don't get me wrong. I love my job. And I love this city, and I'm so grateful for what I've been given. But I'm starting to realize (AGAIN) that nothing stays the same... and that who I was a year ago, when I was moving from Winona to Wisconsin for the summer and hanging out with my high school friends, is the same person as I am now, only with a salary and a few less friends. And I'm not ever going to get that back.
But, I guess I just have to be realistic. I never had a huge cache of friends before, so why should I have them in NYC? Its just that everyone else does.... and perhaps, as usual, I'm feeling a bit left out.
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3 comments:
Awww...that's too bad. Quite a few have told me that, even in Minneapolis (which is obviously very small compared to NYC), it usually takes at least a year to develop a group of friends, if not longer. So, just keep doing what you're doing and then you never know. I can relate to you, though. Even though I have a ton of friends to call or e-mail, I don't have many to hang out with anymore. It's part of that "adult" life, I think.
My little town blues
Are melting away
I'm gonna make a brand new start of it
In old New York.
If I can make it there,
I'd make it anywhere
It's up to you,
New York, New York.
Byoootiful...
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