A Friday without the boss

It's soooo quiiett here today - I haven't even seen two of the other assistants, one of them is gone, and a bunch of people have taken off early. But it is the first nearly-50-degree day in a while, so maybe that's why.

I've been reading proposals, mostly, which is always fun for me. In what other industry do you get paid to read novels? LOVE MY JOB!

As far as personal life goes, I was reading this memoir of a near-divorce/adultery thing and the pain the woman went through reminded me of breaking up with Todd (or I guess when Todd dumped me, since I'm refering to the first time, not the second which was relatively expected and beneficial). I will admit that I have no idea what we're doing right now, but I know that it's good for me in a very irrational way. He's not my boyfriend, but he is my lover and my confidante - which to me, a boyfriend pretty much is anyway. But I have to stress that he's not my boyfriend.

I've always lived by the Ally Sheedy/St. Elmo's Fire adage that "I have to create something for myself before I share it with you." and what Todd needs to create is an identity - something I've never really had to fight for - at least not within myself. My problem is that I always feel like I'm an outsider, that I never really BELONG anywhere. Todd's is that he BELONGS (or is allowed to belong) with others but that it's not really his choice to. He doesn't know who or what he wants to belong to, which is something I definitely can identify with.

I'm going to get all philosophical here, but I think we need to realize that sometimes the people we turn to for comfort and guidance may be weaker than ourselves. I've begged Todd to hold me up (outside the Spring St Station, which is the COLDEST NYC Subway station EVER!) when I didn't realize that he couldn't. The same goes for Lori (she's a v. strong person, but I think our relationship is built on holding each other up), and in fact most of my friends are the same way..... everyone has their strengths, their weaknesses, and most importantly their ISSUES - but its how we react to them and compensate for them that makes all the difference.

Even though it's Todd's birthday this weekend, I won't see him. Which makes me sad, but I know that next weekend is reserved for me. What I realized two weekends ago (when I spent the entire time in my room!) was that I am not the center of anyone's world but me. This weekend, I'm dedicating tonight (Friday) to have a good time with me - and then Saturday I'll be in the park as usual, and then Saturday night I'll be with Jackie, and then Sunday I'll attempt to catch up on all the things I didn't do. But if Jackie happens to cancel, I'm going to try my best not to be depressed, as I normally would be. I'll work around it.

Onto lighter news: The class that I'm in at Pace in Midtown on Thursdays SUCKS. It's on modern technology in publishing, except that we don't talk about anything other than IT and stuff that's really old in the tech world (think 1998). It doesn't help that one of our profs is a bumbling idiot who rambles about Time Inc (where she works) and answers phone calls from her son on her cell (IN CLASS) and the other professor is an expert in the field of content mgmt and refuses to define the term or collect homework, or grade anything (I think b/c he likes the part-time prof salary but doesn't want to put the effort into it - or b/c the university refused to let him go regardless of how little work he does.)

So (I just re-read that paragraph- WHEW!!!) last night in class while the bumbling idiot prof is trying to set up a powerpoint on her laptop and on the projection thingie (which takes at least twenty minutes) she gets her bracelet stuck on her ring - on opposite hands. Picture a short, plump, blond woman with little square glasses falling off her nose saying "I'm stuck, I'm stuck!" and we all sit there, laughing.

That, I have to admit, was kind of mean of us - but finally after a minute, she got it all straightened out b/c the girl sitting closest to her helped her out (even tho everyone knew no one wanted to).

AND THIS is what I pay 14,000/year for. (Not including housing.)