But I Don't Want to Socialize

So they've (and by meaning they I mean a girl from ICM and the assistant I like) planned a social outing for tonight at 6pm. Which is the reason I'm not getting ready to bail, ASAP.

But after the weekend I had, I'm lucky I'm at work.

FIRST: Todd & I have a wonderful Friday night in which I convince him he really needs to stay up all night, particularly with me. So we ride the subway system, never going farther than Jay St. in Bklyn and Canal Street and ride for a couple hours, going across the East River FIVE TIMES in an attempt to ride across the Manhattan Bridge. Funny thing about it was that we were at York St. Station a couple times - and that's right by the Watchtower, which is the only reason I like Jehovah's Witnesses (they have a lit time/temp that I can see from my room, helping me dress and know the time.) - I'd have to say that's the second reason. The Witnesses that used to come to KQAL to try to convert us to Christian rock were hot, which made up for their pitches.

Anyway, without getting into details - I would love to tell them to you, but for the sake of Todd's modesty (which, thanks to me, no longer exists) I won't. Anyway, things got a little steamy in the subway stations (between times when he had to pee and I wanted to scare him so I watched) and then steamier at home...

And then Saturday arrived, which we both missed about half of. Then I was supposed to go out with Jackie, WHO NEVER CALLED to cancel plans. So I was distressed, until I called Amanda and she was free.

So we got dressed and went down to Shade, where we promptly drank two bottles of wine, but she insisted on talking to her sister on her cell OUTSIDE for 30 MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! leaving me alone - and PISSED. Then she had to go "rescue her sister" and left me in the Village pissed off and half drunk. I didn't even have my Ipod. She promised to make it up to me and go out on Sunday........................ upon which she never called me back.

Dunnnttaahhddahhh! TODD TO THE RESCUE!!

Todd listened to me whine about having no friends, and then I met him (albeit late, but I was trying to put the perfect outfit together without repeating) in the Village and we happily made fun of 20 year old hoochies in the bar, which reminded me of Winona, which got us talking about college and all of that.

This is a total offshoot but we had great conversations this weekend. Including when he told me that the red roses he got for me on V Day were supposed to be yellow - the color of friendship according to him. And, on Sunday, when we discussed our relationship (reminder to self: NEVER, EVER DISCUSS THIS WITH TODD AGAIN. EVER. Unless he brings it up.) He said and I quote:

"I Don't know if I'm in love with you or not." - and the gem -"You don't want me to be honest with you."

HELLO!!! Honesty is usually a GOOD thing. What's he hiding? Is he an axe murderer? I know the 2 worst secrets he has (one of which I won't tell, the other is that he wears really bad boxers). But still.

And then Sunday he went home with me on one condition: That I NOT sleep with him. Fine by me, but weird. (the other assistant, who I smoked a cig with at lunch today, also thought that was weird. We had the same opinion: Sweet, but weird.)

I've given up trying to analyze this whole situation. Do you hear me, Todd? I give up. I love being your friend (exactly HOW many emails did we send today, back and forth?), love hanging out, love kissing you, and I think we're pretty good together other than your random staring-off-into-space-because-you-want-to-leave-but-don't-want-to-be-rude, and your basic lack of communication about how you feel about me.....

(I love hanging out with you is simply not adequate flattery, my friend)

Oh, and that whole dumping thing? Not very nice, but a good reality check.

So, for right now, I'm just taking it day by day and seeing what develops.

You never know how you really feel until someone comes along and interrupts whatever was going on. And I hope someone interrupts me, rather than having someone else step into Mr. Todd's life.

Because, despite how much of a pain-in-the-ass this is, it's too good to give up. Friendwise and more.

After all - it seems he's the only one I can reasonably depend on.

Speaking of which, Jackie - (you know how much I hate to address people individually, but this seems to be a pattern here)

Whatcha doing to do to make up the fact that you didn't call Saturday? Grrrr...
you only get one Get-Out-Of-Meg's-Mad-Free card. Do you want to use it or save it?

Alright gang. I have to go socialize in twenty minutes, and that means I should actually do some work before I go hang myself trying to be friendly.

MKS