Mr. Good Intentions & Mr. So Glad We're Having Sex

This blog has an impossibly great side effect: I get more email. So not only does it give me a place to rant without which these grand thoughts would not get out into the world other than in an one-sided phone call (and not nearly as witty I might add) but I also get great emails from people about my life.

Here are excerpts from two emails relevant to the blog.

Adam:
You seem quite hung up on the last few men in yourlife, whatever part they may have played. I don't meanthis in a bad way, but it has already been a frequent topic of your BLAGH. If I could offer anyadvice...look forward, not backward. As I mentionedearlier...learn, and live.

My response:
That's cuz I'm not over it yet. I had my second-longest relationship with you, even if I felt like I was being a glutton for punishment a lot of the time. (and you are right, Adam - I DON'T know you very much at all because you don't open up.) And frankly, my ego doesn't get over rejection very quickly.

So I have to admit I still think of you and miss you and all of that stuff that kept me doing what I was doing last year. One of the reasons I did it was because I knew you were Mr. Good Intentions. And I knew you weren't a good boyfriend from the foiled relationships I witnessed, so I figured the best way to get near you was to take what I could get. And I did, and it hurt, and in a lot of ways it still does. But I got a reward out of it - I'm so much closer to you friend-wise than I ever would have been before, making you buy beer for me at KQ. And it hurt when you said you didn't like me when you told me something else before I left Winona.

But don't think you're more than you are, or that I'm crying every night in my pillow because of you. I'm not - I just wonder why, for some guys, I'm just not girlfriend material when I'm almost everything else to them (this applies to Todd, too, although his circumstance is a mix between "immaturity" and "selfishness".) including a good friend and a (I think) good lover.

And, for some reason, it's always the guys I like the most that this happens to. There's only really been two in my life, and you are one of them. The other is a good friend from high school that is scared of getting hurt and not a city person at all, where I would die if I lived in Merrill my entire life, and didn't get to ride the subway every day.

Maybe I'm a bit jaded. As far as I'm concerned, Todd & I just broke up - but it was for an ok reason. And because I still care a lot for him as a friend (and he's a decent lover) I want to keep him in my life if possible, just like I want with every ex. To remind me of where I've been and where I can improve.

NEXT EMAIL: (Which is a lot less serious & somber, I bet!)
This is from my friend Jackie, who encouraged me to be friends with Seth to make him break up with his gf (maybe I really AM Summer!)

Don't be surprised if Seth doesn't call you back soon. Matty's grandmother died last night and he was very close with her so we will be doing things with his family all weekend.

Which is OK because J & I have plans to ambush him at a dinner on Sunday - maybe. If I'm out of the bedroom with Todd by then. (Todd is NOT a sexy name - although he is Mr. SO-Glad-We're Having Sex... what guy does not want breakup sex? Although i think we've both become WAAAYY too into the planning of the whole ordeal. And if there's anything I've learned, if you over-plan something, it usually sucks.)

A girl's gotta eat sometime. Look for more posts later.